Vital: “During the current pandemic, we are mostly staying at home, many people work in the home office. How do you manage to overcome this hurdle as a couple?”
Most couples complain that they spend too little time together in everyday life. That’s why many couples don’t experience the “couple’s tantrum” as a burden, but on the contrary are happy that they don’t have to get through the crisis alone. Remembering this again and again also helps in those situations in which different desires collide. To break out of attack mode and allow empathy again, a sentence like: “Let’s argue so that I can see that you love me,” often helps.
Vital: “There are certain factors that determine whether a relationship is at risk from the pandemic or not?”
Figures confirm that couples in whom unresolved conflicts were already straining their relationship before the crisis were particularly at risk. In addition, in a crisis people want to get the impression that they are not alone, that their partner is protecting them and that they are stronger together. If this is not redeemed, the partner experiences the crisis as doubly burdensome, the relationship has obviously not been able to fulfill this important function and is then called into question.
Vital: “What problems can currently arise within a partnership that do not otherwise exist?”
To put it simply, some couples just get on each other’s nerves. Many complain that they don’t spend enough time together in everyday life, but it’s becoming easier and easier to desire what you don’t have and when you get it, you realize that it’s not as great as you’d hoped. On a deeper level, however, it is often about a conflict over the need for closeness and distance. People for whom their autonomy and self-determination are more important than a partner who is always there for them cannot tolerate much closeness. These are often with partners who want a lot of closeness. However, the need for freedom could not be fulfilled in the couple antine because there was no possibility of retreat.
Vital: “Is there currently a greater need for couples therapy?”
I’m well booked and colleagues tell me that they feel the same way. However, this is always the case at the beginning of the year, because good resolutions often include doing something for love and relationships. But what I clearly notice: My online course to improve couples communication in my Modern Love School is bought and accessed significantly. I’m also likely to see a greater increase in the need for support.
Vital: “During the lockdown, the number of domestic violence cases has increased. What is the best way to deal with aggression and dissatisfaction in a partnership?”
The number has accepted reports and, unfortunately, it must also be assumed that there is a high number of unreported cases because there are no opportunities to retreat. In every city and also nationwide there are advice centers that can be reached by telephone and anonymously, which help with reporting or with the search for a safe place. Getting yourself and maybe the children to safety must be the first step. Trying to save the relationship, if the violent partner is willing to do aggression therapy, for example, can then be tackled in the second or third step.
Vital: “What advice would you give couples in the current situation?”
Focus on the opportunities you have and don’t limit yourself to what you lack. Be thankful that you have the loved one by your side in a crisis and that together as a team you have got through everything that came and will get through everything that is yet to come. Romance is above all gratitude for the shared moment. Nothing is more valuable than time. With this in mind: arrange a date night and make yourself beautiful.
Vital: “Different levels of caution about the coronavirus harbor potential for controversy – how can couples deal with it?”
Are like a magnifying glass for connections and relationships. Here, what is important is evaluated differently and some conflicts are seen differently. It becomes clear that it is not about the factual level, but about: Can I rely on you? Are we similar enough? do you notice me In a situation that is characterized by fear, a balance is consciously and unconsciously taken. Does my partner scare me with their attitude? Do his behaviors show that he cares about other people, including me? Or do I experience them as selfish and lacking in solidarity? This means that the crisis shows very deep emotions – if they don’t match, then that causes great concern about a future together. After that we will all need support. If I have the impression that my partner will refuse me, then this goes to the very foundations of the relationship and cannot be clarified on the factual level with arguments, but only on an emotional basis.
Vital: “Can couples take something positive out of this situation?”
Couples without unresolved conflicts have actually grown together through the crisis and their connection has become stronger and more secure. This is hardly surprising, because very threatening situations that have been overcome together weld together, because the couple knows that they have overcome them together and that gives hope that they will also be able to face future challenges. Be aware of this and show gratitude to one another.